First of all...what?
As you all know, I work on Bourbon Street, which in and of itself can be damned strange, but just the other night, it got even weirder. All these people kept staggering into our bar, talking in these terrible brogues and using phrases like "ahoy, matey!" and "shiver me timbers!"
Now people on Bourbon are not known for sobriety...or being normal, really. And thanks to that dude, Johnny Depp, people do fancy themselves as pirates on a more regular basis. But this was too many--even for the undeniable fandom of Mr. Depp. I mean, "argh" echoed through the air like some sort of wacked Gregorian chant.
Finally, Ren asked the crowd, what the hell they were doing. They gleefully (and still in those awful fake accents) announced it was "Talk like a pirate day."
Again, I ask you, what?
Okay, I was a pirate. And I never--never--talked like that. Not once did I say, "ahoy, mateys." Nor did I hear anyone else say it. I did often hear, "Look! A whore, mateys." I mean we spent a lot of time around the docks. Docks are seedy places--lots of whores there. And we discussed that fact often, and with great joy.
I never heard "shiver me timbers." I don't even know what the hell that means. And what man in their right mind would shout, "Thar she blows," to a shipload of men who've been out to sea for weeks. Do you want to incite a riot??
(Although, I may have heard that one on the docks, too.)
So if you want to know how real pirates spoke--and what they did--which wasn't flouncing round wearing smudged black eyeliner and ruffles (okay, I might have done that a bit), then go read Erin and Kathy's serial about me--
Drake: Tales of a Lusty Pirate. It is purely accurate, as I am reciting the events directly to them.
(Okay, it's mostly accurate. Go read it, and tell me what you think?)
And what's your favorite pirate phrase? I'll let you know if we said it.
In case any of you were wondering, yes. a vampire can get a hangover. 
